To Sag or Not to Sag

to sag or not to sag

To Sag or Not to Sag- Dear Diary, I have some crazy thinking going on inside my head and I could really use your help.

You know I have this plumpness about me right? My face is plump, my legs, belly and butt are plump and even though I am large, my plumpness seems to keep my skin looking supple…

So when I lose weight, will I sag everywhere? I don’t want everything I own to fall to China as I reduce. Is it just me or are other women concerned about whether they will look worse when they lose weight or not?

I’m thinking I should just continue eating cheap empty food that keeps me pleasantly plump, overweight and unhealthy – you know –  to keep me wrinkle and sag free. Just think of all the money I will save on plastic surgery – No?


Now that I can see my feet, I don’t want to

now that I can see my feet I dont want to

Dear Diary, Apparently when my feet were buried beneath the shadow of my belly I didn’t see them often enough, and they got pretty neglected. All that shade and I never noticed they had become lifeless and downright ugly. I am not sure If am I glad I don’t have a partner in my life to see this horror or this is WHY I don’t have a partner in my life?

My toenails are cut crooked because I had to hold my breath while bending over trying to reach each toe with one hand and snip with the clippers – exhale – and somehow I can never reach my pinky toes –  I’m so grateful no one has come close enough to get pierced.

At first I thought,  I could really use a pumice stone, but I’m thinking an electric sander with 25 grit paper would do about now. And how many shades of tanning from my shoes are there anyway? Oh, and I think my neighbors child crept over while I was sleeping in my chair and drew on my legs with a purple pen, because there are so many lines on my shins.  I wonder how long and how many pedi’s it will take for them to look like a woman’s feet again?

And I wonder what else this belly of mine was hiding.