IS THERE A 12 STEP PROGRAM FOR THAT?

Is there a 12 Step program for that

Dear Diary. When I began my wellness regime, I knew I would want to give up a few things to feel better and lose weight. I expected to miss those things and want to indulge in them from time to time. I presume everyone goes through that.

I’ve geared myself up to handle these cravings with gentleness and patience.

BUT – What really blew my mind was when I found myself trying to suck the salt out of my homemade vegetable soup. There was a bit of salt in there but apparently not enough to satisfy this insatiable desire to become a human salt lick. What happened to craving chocolate or sugar or pasta? With complete and utter surprise,  I would gladly trade them all in for a moment alone with my salt shaker. What the?

It has all become clear to me now…. all these years – the desire for cheese and chips was really all about the salt, wasn’t it?  Remove the pasta and the potato and leave a puddle of salt please.

I am actually angry when my food lacks enough salt. ANGRY…. can you believe it? Now that’s scary. And why hasn’t anyone mentioned this to me before? Not a doctor or a fellow over-eater. Does anyone else have a salt addiction? Is there a 12 Step Program for that?

All I know is my cankles are thanking me for the low sodium… but my tongue hates me with a passion.

Advertisements

Just a Walk Around the Block – Or is it?

Just a walk around the block

Dear Diary, I know that for some, a walk around the block is nothing. Those are probably the very same people who actually use a shopping cart for groceries and not just to hold them up in the supermarket. (I am not the least embarrassed to proudly pull up to a cashier with a mere pack of gum in my cart).

For me and I’m sure others, walking to the end of the driveway could require a lot of energy and AIR! The big bad wolf has nothing on me when I huff and I puff until I get back to my ‘safe place’ to sit.

So diary, this is why I write today to say how proud of myself I am for my accomplishment. As I struggled to get my Velcro sneakers on to feel athletic and walk to the end of the driveway – FULLY expecting it to be a major strain on my lungs and body, I was hugely and pleasantly surprised to find the end of the driveway came way too soon for me. As a matter of fact, as I ventured out beyond the driveway to attempt to pass the house next door, I was once again amazed that I hadn’t died yet. I began to take inventory as I continued to take on this feat I hadn’t been able to for so long. ‘Does my back hurt? – NO, are my legs hurting? NO, How is my breathing? a bit short but very doable”. Wow, who is this person? I continued to smile from ear to ear as I made it around a good-sized block safely into that very long and previously unaccomplishable driveway.  Yay for me… today the block, tomorrow – no shopping cart!

OH NO! I SAW MY BUTT IN THE MIRROR!

keep calm

Dear Diary, Let’s face it, I know my butt got huge when I gained weight. I know it will take time to find its appropriate size (whatever that is at this age) I know it will find its right height (I am praying it didn’t fall TOO much from the rest of my body) But for goodness sakes diary, why oh why do I take that forbidden look in the mirror as if to see a JLo butt? Am I crazy? Am I a sadist? Or just maybe I want to make what I see beautiful no matter what size it is.

Let’s just call me a visionary who is committed to looking in that mirror one day and seeing my perfect butt. I’ll buy those rose-colored glasses tomorrow.

Now that I can see my feet, I don’t want to

now that I can see my feet I dont want to

Dear Diary, Apparently when my feet were buried beneath the shadow of my belly I didn’t see them often enough, and they got pretty neglected. All that shade and I never noticed they had become lifeless and downright ugly. I am not sure If am I glad I don’t have a partner in my life to see this horror or this is WHY I don’t have a partner in my life?

My toenails are cut crooked because I had to hold my breath while bending over trying to reach each toe with one hand and snip with the clippers – exhale – and somehow I can never reach my pinky toes –  I’m so grateful no one has come close enough to get pierced.

At first I thought,  I could really use a pumice stone, but I’m thinking an electric sander with 25 grit paper would do about now. And how many shades of tanning from my shoes are there anyway? Oh, and I think my neighbors child crept over while I was sleeping in my chair and drew on my legs with a purple pen, because there are so many lines on my shins.  I wonder how long and how many pedi’s it will take for them to look like a woman’s feet again?

And I wonder what else this belly of mine was hiding.

Damned if I do, Damned if I don’t –

damned if I do damned if I dont

Dear Diary, why is it that those same people who were concerned about me losing weight for my health and well-being – Those very same people who would make faces when they witnessed the large quantities of food I ate at the restaurant last week – and those very same people who even if they never opened their mouths would ooze out their disapproval of my very existence as a large woman – WHY IS IT THAT THEY – those ‘loved ones’ are upset that I won’t go to dinner with them, eat at their house or eat ‘real food’?  Seems as though they want me to be JUST like them and their eating habits. I can’t win if I am trying to by their standards. So I will just have to be my own cheerleader and support system. They don’t have a clue. All I can do is love them and hope for Karma to step in.

My 400 ingredient Smoothie

My 400 Ingredient smoothie

Dear Diary, So if smoothies are good for me and I have a list of foods that are good for me – then if I put all those ingredients into my smoothie at one time and hold my nose while I drink it, do I get brownie points for inundating my body with all that it needs in one shot? I’m sure that’s how they make multi – vitamins.. only I didn’t dehydrate and encapsulate… right?  Just sayin

I’m sorry for saying ‘brownie’ points… rice cake points didn’t seem to have the same impact.

My Big Girl Chair – Dropped me like a hot potato

My big girl chairDear Diary, I purposely bought a folding chair that was comfortable and portable so I wouldn’t ‘worry’ that I was going to be without a place to sit in my yard or at the home of others. So why did it drop me like a hot potato the other day while I was enjoying my afternoon siesta?

There I was, minding my own business. Enjoying the lake view as the sun set behind the woods. What a glorious moment.  But then….when I tried to get up to go inside, something felt terribly ‘off’. As I pushed myself up from the arms I felt one shift, then another. Next thing you know I’m in the middle of a collapse that felt like a demolition site as the chair imploded – right from under me. One joint at a time. It was in slow motion. I went down in disbelief and without much resistance. I went for the ride. When I finally hit bottom surrounded by broken rusty screws and disassembled metal parts, I knew it was time to get up…. and I did, with the help of another chair to keep me from getting bruised in all the rubble. Thank goodness all that was bruised was my ego. Does anyone break a chair who is 120 pounds? If so, I’d love to hear from you.

My chair – it let me down – literally. I know I left it out in the rain several times. I know it’s 10 years old. I know I am 50 pounds more than its maximum weight… but HEY!

Amazon….. hurry up with my new chair.