I need to lose 100 lbs for a wedding – in 2 weeks

i pray i lose 100 lbsI need to lose 100 lbs for a wedding – In 2 weeks

Dear Diary, I know that I knew about this wedding for a LONG time. I know I wanted to lose weight to look good for it. I know I chose to continue on my eating regime, you know, the one that includes mac ‘n cheese for breakfast?

So Diary, I am praying for a miracle here, so that I can go to this wedding looking like a model… whaddya say? Will you help me?

Read this months blog ‘I can be Thin by Then, Can’t I?’ at Thrive Any Weight

To Sag or Not to Sag

to sag or not to sag

To Sag or Not to Sag- Dear Diary, I have some crazy thinking going on inside my head and I could really use your help.

You know I have this plumpness about me right? My face is plump, my legs, belly and butt are plump and even though I am large, my plumpness seems to keep my skin looking supple…

So when I lose weight, will I sag everywhere? I don’t want everything I own to fall to China as I reduce. Is it just me or are other women concerned about whether they will look worse when they lose weight or not?

I’m thinking I should just continue eating cheap empty food that keeps me pleasantly plump, overweight and unhealthy – you know –  to keep me wrinkle and sag free. Just think of all the money I will save on plastic surgery – No?

IS THERE A 12 STEP PROGRAM FOR THAT?

Is there a 12 Step program for that

Dear Diary. When I began my wellness regime, I knew I would want to give up a few things to feel better and lose weight. I expected to miss those things and want to indulge in them from time to time. I presume everyone goes through that.

I’ve geared myself up to handle these cravings with gentleness and patience.

BUT – What really blew my mind was when I found myself trying to suck the salt out of my homemade vegetable soup. There was a bit of salt in there but apparently not enough to satisfy this insatiable desire to become a human salt lick. What happened to craving chocolate or sugar or pasta? With complete and utter surprise,  I would gladly trade them all in for a moment alone with my salt shaker. What the?

It has all become clear to me now…. all these years – the desire for cheese and chips was really all about the salt, wasn’t it?  Remove the pasta and the potato and leave a puddle of salt please.

I am actually angry when my food lacks enough salt. ANGRY…. can you believe it? Now that’s scary. And why hasn’t anyone mentioned this to me before? Not a doctor or a fellow over-eater. Does anyone else have a salt addiction? Is there a 12 Step Program for that?

All I know is my cankles are thanking me for the low sodium… but my tongue hates me with a passion.

My 400 ingredient Smoothie

My 400 Ingredient smoothie

Dear Diary, So if smoothies are good for me and I have a list of foods that are good for me – then if I put all those ingredients into my smoothie at one time and hold my nose while I drink it, do I get brownie points for inundating my body with all that it needs in one shot? I’m sure that’s how they make multi – vitamins.. only I didn’t dehydrate and encapsulate… right?  Just sayin

I’m sorry for saying ‘brownie’ points… rice cake points didn’t seem to have the same impact.

Why is everything I eat BROWN?

why is everything i eat brown diary of a mad dieterDear Diary, As a ‘most of the time’ vegetarian, my friend once asked me why everything I eat is brown. Now that’s not true of course but sometimes I do look at my food and wonder – Is that Mud or Mushroom pate? I don’t really mind the way it looks… but others seem to…. and it really puts a damper on things when they gag while I eat.  I try to let them taste it. The results vary from ‘mmmm’ with a pleasantly surprised look insinuating that they doubted anything good for you might taste OK to ‘OMG what the hell is that’? as they spit into a napkin while holding their stomach and running for a glass of water. (And they call me the drama queen)

Over the years, when I am eating well, I just keep my food to myself. Some may think I am being selfish as I hoard my personal serving. It’s really for self-preservation so I don’t have to feel bad, defensive or deprived. Go away and eat your french fries and leave me alone.