I Went for a Walk Today – I’m OK

I went for a walk today

Dear Diary, I went for a walk today and I’m OK. After my successful walk around the block recently I decided to venture out to the world of ‘walkers’. You know, where healthy people gather to walk for miles and miles – THE PARK.  I woke up and proceeded to get my ‘gear’ on – I am ready to go – even though I almost lost oxygen to my brain as I bent over to put on my sneakers – due to belly block. I then proudly drove all the way to the park (a good mile and a half) and as I got out of my car with the posture of a pro, I eagerly approached the paved walkway leading toward the scenic breezy woods. It was early and still cool and crisp.  As I took my first few steps towards the path of winners, my mind began to process a combination of things. One was a feeling as though my body was thanking me for doing this little task – this task that will bring fresh air to my lungs, sun to my body for vitamin D, circulation to my heart and mobility to my joints. This act of walking would change my life for the better as I would have mental clarity and infinite energy throughout my day. I will look better and people will notice. On the other hand, the other part of me was freaking out from it all – saying ‘WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING WOMAN –  I can’t breathe, I am stiff, my back hurts and I don’t think I’ll make it another inch. Stop this right now and go home’.

Oh well, Tomorrow is another day.

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Now that I can see my feet, I don’t want to

now that I can see my feet I dont want to

Dear Diary, Apparently when my feet were buried beneath the shadow of my belly I didn’t see them often enough, and they got pretty neglected. All that shade and I never noticed they had become lifeless and downright ugly. I am not sure If am I glad I don’t have a partner in my life to see this horror or this is WHY I don’t have a partner in my life?

My toenails are cut crooked because I had to hold my breath while bending over trying to reach each toe with one hand and snip with the clippers – exhale – and somehow I can never reach my pinky toes –  I’m so grateful no one has come close enough to get pierced.

At first I thought,  I could really use a pumice stone, but I’m thinking an electric sander with 25 grit paper would do about now. And how many shades of tanning from my shoes are there anyway? Oh, and I think my neighbors child crept over while I was sleeping in my chair and drew on my legs with a purple pen, because there are so many lines on my shins.  I wonder how long and how many pedi’s it will take for them to look like a woman’s feet again?

And I wonder what else this belly of mine was hiding.

My Big Girl Chair – Dropped me like a hot potato

My big girl chairDear Diary, I purposely bought a folding chair that was comfortable and portable so I wouldn’t ‘worry’ that I was going to be without a place to sit in my yard or at the home of others. So why did it drop me like a hot potato the other day while I was enjoying my afternoon siesta?

There I was, minding my own business. Enjoying the lake view as the sun set behind the woods. What a glorious moment.  But then….when I tried to get up to go inside, something felt terribly ‘off’. As I pushed myself up from the arms I felt one shift, then another. Next thing you know I’m in the middle of a collapse that felt like a demolition site as the chair imploded – right from under me. One joint at a time. It was in slow motion. I went down in disbelief and without much resistance. I went for the ride. When I finally hit bottom surrounded by broken rusty screws and disassembled metal parts, I knew it was time to get up…. and I did, with the help of another chair to keep me from getting bruised in all the rubble. Thank goodness all that was bruised was my ego. Does anyone break a chair who is 120 pounds? If so, I’d love to hear from you.

My chair – it let me down – literally. I know I left it out in the rain several times. I know it’s 10 years old. I know I am 50 pounds more than its maximum weight… but HEY!

Amazon….. hurry up with my new chair.

Foot Spas and Large Bellies Don’t Mix

foot spa poster

Dear Diary, I tried to pamper myself last night with one of those foot spas.  I really thought I was doing a good thing for myself and my feet. After all, they carry a large amount of weight during the day.

So why then after I did all my ‘girl scout’ type  of preparation of bringing extra towels, having a comfy chair, placing the spa on a surface that could get wet, bringing Epsom salt and of course my smart phone to keep me company did I find out that foot spas and big bellies don’t mix?

I put in the water, turned on the heat, the vibrator and the bubbles. I sat in my comfy big girl folding chair to relax. I placed my feet slowly into the water and leaned back to enjoy.

Why Oh Why did I think I could lean over and splash water up on the still dry portion of my legs? What made me think my belly would allow that?

The last thing I can remember is that everything started happening at once – the chair tipping forward as I leaned forward,  I tried to take one very wet foot out of the spa to balance me but slipped instead and the spa decided to tilt and spill even more of my warm salty water all over the kitchen floor. Is anyone looking? Whew, no… but I still have a mess on my hands.

Thank goodness for the plethora of towels I brought.

I gave up trying to do what the smaller in size might find a no-brainer and just sat like a ‘good girl’ in my chair for the remaining time. It wasn’t that relaxing because now I was wondering where the next tidal wave was coming from. Will I ever do this again? Not without a helmet or a snorkel.