I Went for a Walk Today – I’m OK

I went for a walk today

Dear Diary, I went for a walk today and I’m OK. After my successful walk around the block recently I decided to venture out to the world of ‘walkers’. You know, where healthy people gather to walk for miles and miles – THE PARK.  I woke up and proceeded to get my ‘gear’ on – I am ready to go – even though I almost lost oxygen to my brain as I bent over to put on my sneakers – due to belly block. I then proudly drove all the way to the park (a good mile and a half) and as I got out of my car with the posture of a pro, I eagerly approached the paved walkway leading toward the scenic breezy woods. It was early and still cool and crisp.  As I took my first few steps towards the path of winners, my mind began to process a combination of things. One was a feeling as though my body was thanking me for doing this little task – this task that will bring fresh air to my lungs, sun to my body for vitamin D, circulation to my heart and mobility to my joints. This act of walking would change my life for the better as I would have mental clarity and infinite energy throughout my day. I will look better and people will notice. On the other hand, the other part of me was freaking out from it all – saying ‘WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING WOMAN –  I can’t breathe, I am stiff, my back hurts and I don’t think I’ll make it another inch. Stop this right now and go home’.

Oh well, Tomorrow is another day.

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To Sag or Not to Sag

to sag or not to sag

To Sag or Not to Sag- Dear Diary, I have some crazy thinking going on inside my head and I could really use your help.

You know I have this plumpness about me right? My face is plump, my legs, belly and butt are plump and even though I am large, my plumpness seems to keep my skin looking supple…

So when I lose weight, will I sag everywhere? I don’t want everything I own to fall to China as I reduce. Is it just me or are other women concerned about whether they will look worse when they lose weight or not?

I’m thinking I should just continue eating cheap empty food that keeps me pleasantly plump, overweight and unhealthy – you know –  to keep me wrinkle and sag free. Just think of all the money I will save on plastic surgery – No?

OH NO! I SAW MY BUTT IN THE MIRROR!

keep calm

Dear Diary, Let’s face it, I know my butt got huge when I gained weight. I know it will take time to find its appropriate size (whatever that is at this age) I know it will find its right height (I am praying it didn’t fall TOO much from the rest of my body) But for goodness sakes diary, why oh why do I take that forbidden look in the mirror as if to see a JLo butt? Am I crazy? Am I a sadist? Or just maybe I want to make what I see beautiful no matter what size it is.

Let’s just call me a visionary who is committed to looking in that mirror one day and seeing my perfect butt. I’ll buy those rose-colored glasses tomorrow.

Damned if I do, Damned if I don’t –

damned if I do damned if I dont

Dear Diary, why is it that those same people who were concerned about me losing weight for my health and well-being – Those very same people who would make faces when they witnessed the large quantities of food I ate at the restaurant last week – and those very same people who even if they never opened their mouths would ooze out their disapproval of my very existence as a large woman – WHY IS IT THAT THEY – those ‘loved ones’ are upset that I won’t go to dinner with them, eat at their house or eat ‘real food’?  Seems as though they want me to be JUST like them and their eating habits. I can’t win if I am trying to by their standards. So I will just have to be my own cheerleader and support system. They don’t have a clue. All I can do is love them and hope for Karma to step in.