Dear Diary, I started eating better 3 days ago. It amazes me how bad I can feel one day – bloated, achy and heavy breathing and in 3 days I feel more mobile and more mental clarity than I have in a long time. I woke in a better mood today and my joints feel better. I still have symptoms of my weight for goodness sakes, it’s only been 3 days after all, but I feel progress.YAY
It just baffles my why I try so hard to get on track for so long and then BAM, one day I feel like eating better with no effort at all. Sort of like when I gave up smoking 20 years ago. I couldn’t do it when I tried so hard, but then one day… I easily let them go.
I’m still in the ‘I wonder if this is going to last stage.” You know, feeling so good you want to build momentum and yet, leery because of what happened the last time when I felt this way? I must have gone back to wanting foods that hold me back more than I wanted to feel alive and free and feeling amazing.
I’m doing some different things now. I’m not setting so many boundaries and rules. I am committed to creating a gentle experience and not to white knuckle it this time. I meditate on how I see myself looking and feeling. Not a visual as much as a feeling or vibration. It’s amazing. It doesn’t feel like a vision at all, it feels like it’s the REAL me and not someone I am trying to become. I once read that when they asked Michelangelo how he made his statue of David he is reported to have said, “It is easy. You just chip away the stone that doesn’t look like David.” Wouldn’t that be great if all I have to do is remove all the parts that aren’t the real Fran? I like the way it feels… so of course I will try.
I’m still using the scale to measure success. I would like to give that up. For now, I’ll humor myself. Fact is, if it doesn’t say 120 pounds, I’m going to be disappointed. That’s a long way away.
Diary of a Mad Dieter 